Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
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