I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
