The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
