Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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