That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
