i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
