R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
