i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
