You did not just play the dead husband card again.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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