I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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