I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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