he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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