she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
