When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
