Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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