I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
