I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
