she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
