Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
