she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
