two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Randomize
