Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
