Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
