i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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