I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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