that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
