we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
