sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
