Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
