I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
