You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
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