Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Randomize
