seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Sacagawea was the original milf.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
