awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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