oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
These tits shall not be calmed
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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