god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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