Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
