WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
So much Jack, so little girl.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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