Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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