other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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