today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
