oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
The ass gains better be worth it
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