Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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