It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
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