Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
