I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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