6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
