I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize
