At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I just want to make out with him forever
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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