I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Your dad touched me again.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
