I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
