I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
