You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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