Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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