he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
