I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
