Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
