peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
