Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
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