is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
