you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
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