dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
